You, Me and Us
by SweetCheri
Summary: From the beginning, Matt and Mello's relationship with a tad more romance. I honestly can't write summaries – I promise it's better than I make it sound. A Bit angsty - but happy bits I promise! Please Review! :
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

The Beginning Of Us

Even as a child, Mello was content with being alone. Sure, he wasn't actually fully alone, but he was technically alone in his own world. He took pleasure in scaring the children at Wammy's, it was pure amusement. With his chocolate in hand and azure blue eyes dangerously narrowed, Mello got what he wanted. Soon, the other children just got used to it, though they did fear the blonde. And Mello liked it that way. Maybe that was why he hated Near as much as he did. The albino never seemed to be fazed by the blonde's presence, sometimes not even acknowledging it. And that pissed Mello off. That and the fact that Near was dubbed smarter than him as number one, leaving him number two. No Mello didn't like that at all.

Mello was only ten years old when Matt came to Wammy's. A year younger than himself, Matt had definitely been strange. Not that the other kids at Wammy's weren't just as weird, but Matt certainly stuck out. His hair was an unnatural fiery red and messily hung in his eyes which were covered by goggles, hiding eyes that Mello knew not the color of. The kid had been behind Roger who opened the door to the main room for everyone at Wammy's, at the time this room had many toys for the children who were said to be geniuses. Matt hadn't paid it any mind, simply standing there holding a DS in his hands with his fingers flying over the buttons.

Mello remembered having been sitting by the window, his favorite place to sit in the room. It was halfway hidden by the bookshelf which gave it a more private feeling and it was a window seat that had a few cushions comfortably placed there. He had turned his head to see the newcomer, narrowing his eyes with his chocolate just hovering an inch before his lips. Roger had spoken something to Matt to which the redhead didn't bother acknowledging, just stepped inside and allowed the man to close the door. Kids had stared at the boy, their eyes expectant and calculating as to what his next move would be. Apparently he finally realized everyone else's existence because he looked up and glanced around.

The older blonde had watched in an almost curious manner, waiting for him to do or say something. But he didn't. He stood there for a couple heartbeats then walked over to a chair maybe five meters away from Mello, sitting in an almost uncomfortable looking position before he returned his attention back to his game.

The other kids had slowly adjusted back into whatever they had been doing, all except Mello. He watched the new redhead before slipping from his window seat. He walked over to the chair and stood in front of it, snapping a piece of chocolate off his chocolate bar. It seemed as if Matt didn't notice him or was trying not to but after a few moments he glanced up.

"What's your name?" Mello had demanded, voice taking on its usual cold and almost snide tone.

"Matt." He answered blankly, blinking up at him. "Want something?"

Mello narrowed his pretty blue eyes and scowled. So the redhead already couldn't tell he was the leader of the children? Most kids caught on quickly. Maybe this kid was dumber than the orphanage thought he was. Either way, Mello decided he needed to be shown. 

"Yes, _Matt, _I need you to know that you need to not get in my way around here." He said. Alright so it didn't sound so genius, even Mello had to admit, but it was warning enough.

The redhead blinked and shrugged, glancing back down at his game.

"Sure, I'll keep my stuff on my side of the room." He said in a simple tone, beginning to play his game with concentration again. Now that made Mello blink.

For a ten year old, Mello had managed to accomplish a lot at Wammy's. He had made one of the teachers cry then quit the next day, he had put a kid in the hospital for two weeks, he had managed to give Roger a bloody nose when the man had tried to cut him off of his chocolate addiction, and was the only kid that had his own chair in the 'think about your actions' room. Oh, and he had managed to scare and threaten every kid that tried to room with him. Yes, every time the orphanage assigned a boy to his room he successfully got them out in less than three days. Eventually Roger had given up, but now it seemed that he was getting testy again.

"You're not allowed in my room." Mello declared, his voice low and dangerous. Matt used one hand to play while shuffling around and digging the other hand in his pocket until he produced a key on a ring.

"But I have a key." He replied lightly, moving it quickly enough so that Mello couldn't snatch it away from him.

"If you step in that room…" Mello began to threaten and he could feel every kid looking at them now, interested in to how the new kid would react to Mello. "Then you're time here won't be pleasant."

"I didn't plan on it being pleasant from the beginning." Matt said, eyes still glued to the small screen.

Mello glared now, his chocolate clenched in one hand and beginning to melt in its wrapper, the top of it smearing on his fingers. The blonde leaned down so that their faces were inches apart, eyes locked on Matt. The redhead blinked and glanced up, sighing and pressing pause then shutting the DS.

"Look-" Mello started but Matt shook his head.

"You're going to have to suck it up because the room is ours. Okay?" Mat said, sounding almost weary because of the blonde.

Mellon was silent, not moving, and Matt stared at him back through his goggles. The blonde was furious but somehow a spark of interest flared in him. Without a word, he pulled back, scowling, and stomped out of the room.

Mello didn't see Matt for the rest of the afternoon. In fact, he didn't even see him at dinner. While the other kids stood in line then walked off to a table with a tray of food, Mello was concentrated on finding the strange new kid. His azure blue eyes travelled around the room, looking for that mop of flaming red hair. When he was finally growing annoyed about not finding him he could feel someone come up behind him. Before he could react he could feel hot breath on his neck near his ear.

"Looking for someone?" That almost smug voice behind him was now familiar. Mello turned to see Matt chuckling, looking completely comfortable.

And the thing was, Mello felt almost embarrassed, though he had never felt that way before. A light pink spread over his cheeks and his blue eyes narrowed at the redhead.

"No." He growled, picking up a tray.

Matt followed suit and stood behind him in line. He was silent as was Mello as they were served their food, then as Mello turned and walked towards a table near the window. No one was sitting there because since Mello came he had declared that to be _his _table and his only. Everyone respected that – mostly just fearing what the temperamental blonde would do if they crossed him. But now he could feel Matt following him, hear his footsteps behind his. He sat and set his tray on the table, sitting slowly. The redhead just sat across from him, seeming unfazed by the cold glare Mello gave.

"This is my table." He growled. Matt raised his eyebrows.

"You sure are possessive." Matt commented as he lifted his fork.

They were silent and Mello didn't make any more comments about Matt sitting at his table. He decided to give the redhead one mercy, he was new. He was nibbling on his food when he looked up to see eyes behind orangey/greenish goggles staring directly at him.

"What?" The boy growled and Matt blinked. "Why are you staring at me?"

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a girl?" Matt asked innocently.

Everyone's eyes looked over to Mello's table upon hearing a chair scrape on the floor then a loud slam. They widened when they could see the new kid's body a little distance from the table now, his chair on its side a little ways away. Mello was above him, pinning the male's body to the ground and holding his arms above his head. The blonde raised one fist and punched the younger's jaw, glaring. Matt didn't even try to move away from the punch and confused Mello. The redhead merely stared up at him, barely reacting. Mello was about to lay another punch when an idea struck him.

Now he didn't know why he was so curious, or why he saved his last minute before an adult came to pull him off Mello just to find out, but he wanted to know what color Matt's eyes were. He released the male's wrists, which surprisingly didn't even move afterwards, and reached down to remove his goggles, pushing them off and tossing them to the side. His blue eyes looking down and his lips parted slightly, his body stopping any movement. Because he was staring into the most brilliant green eyes he had ever seen.

Matt just stared back, now seeing Mello without the orange tint of his goggles. Mello's blonde hair looked just as soft as before, gently framing his face that was usually curled into a dark scowl. The bright blue eyes were truly beautiful, and his skin was creamy and flawless. But the blonde was more interested in staring down at the other. Matt's eyes were glittering with the light, their color so radiant that it shocked Mello. Albeit his eyes had a bit of a shadow beneath them from lack of sleep but they were still incredible. The two boys were silent, now quite aware of each other's presence, as they stared at one another.

A moment later and an adult appeared, grabbing Mello and pulling him off Matt. The redhead was still for a moment before he stood, locating his goggles and pulling him back over his eyes, hiding those radiant green orbs from the rest of the world. Mello was being pulled out of the cafeteria by his arm but he glanced back to see Matt staring at him too.

Mello had been dragged to the 'think about your actions' room where he was sat in his own chair and lectured about violence etc. etc. But, as usual, he didn't pay attention to that. Instead he remembered the way Matt's green eyes had stared up at his with interest and…admiration? Matt was pulled to the infirmary, a precaution. Most of the adults were always worried when Mello did something and insisted that he go, despite the fact that he told them he was fine.

After they had checked him over and gave him some ice for his swelling jaw, he had been sent back to his – _their _room. He held the ice to the already beginning to bruise mark until he was out of any adult's view then tossed it. He rubbed it for a moment, wincing but deciding that he was fine. He walked the rest of the way down the hallway to their room, the very last one, and pulled out his key.

But just as he retrieved the small key the doorknob twisted and slowly the door opened. Mello stood there, a blank expression on his face as he looked at Matt. The redhead was silent but stared back, wondering if Mello would let him. And then the blonde, keeping his eyes on Matt, slowly pushed the door open further, just enough for Matt to enter. The redhead stared for a moment more, which made Mello's lips curve down.

"Well are you coming in?" He muttered quietly. And then he watched as Matt's soft looking lips curved up slightly before he stepped around the blonde into the room.

And that was the moment the two became inseparable.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

His

No one at Wammy's knew exactly what had happened between the two boys but the next day Mello didn't seem to care that Matt stuck by him. In class the two sat beside each other, during any free times they were at the same proximity and at lunch Matt sat at the blonde's table without hesitation. And the blonde didn't seem to mind. In fact, they actually talked. Soon not one kid would see Mello without Matt or vice versa.

Over the next three years they had learned to trust each other and got used to the other's presence. Over that time much had happened as well. Matt got used to Mello's bi-polar way of acting as Mello got used to Matt's constant gaming. The younger melded into Mello's schedule and there was rarely a moment where the other couldn't find his match. Neither talked too often, at least with other people around, and it seemed that Matt was usually busy playing some game, but truly they knew each other's deepest secrets.

They knew about each other's past, they knew what pissed the other off (and it was a long list of things for Mello), what they really thought about Wammy's, what they wanted to actually do with their life…they knew nearly everything about each other. Matt had adjusted to Mello's hatred for Near and listened to him every time the blonde wanted to rant. Every time Mello wanted to vent out some anger he waited it out, usually just playing a game. There was once that Mello had returned from looking at the score sheet put up monthly. He was still second, and Near was still first (Matt as usual still third).

It seemed that Mello had completely snapped and came in beginning to destroy their room. He was a few months younger below fourteen while Matt had just turned thirteen himself. They didn't keep a lot of clutter in the room, though if there was any real mess it was on Matt's side which annoyed Mello to no end. The blonde had been so pissed off that Matt's attention had actually been pulled from the video game he was playing. After ten minutes of Mello only working himself up more Matt had stood and walked over to the male. And then he slapped him. Mello had turned furious blue eyes on the male and punched him.

With all his anger in the punch he found that it had quickly evaporated. And Matt, wincing as he touched the already darkening mark, knew that he knew Mello best. And he would go to any length to keep the blonde himself. But Mello had been a bit upset about this and surprised Matt with a hug, acting as if the redhead was fragile in his arms.

"Why are you…?" Matt had asked but Mello had only buried his face in Matt's hair.

"Just shut up." He mumbled as he hugged the redhead. So the younger did and enjoyed the feeling of Mello hugging him.

It was only a few days before Mello's birthday when Matt began to feel a stronger attraction to Mello. He never really considered anything more than the strong friendship they had but after that day he definitely did. They had been forced outside, which Matt always hated, and it had been insanely hot out that day. The sun had blared down on all the children and despite drinking water every few minutes most became dehydrated. Matt had sat beneath a tree, sweating and scowling as he tried to focus on his game. Mello had been leaning against the tree beside him, staring up at the leaves of the tree thoughtfully.

"I hate it here Matt." Mello said. Matt hummed in a sort of acknowledgement, not saying anything merely because Mello had said this many times before.

Mello was silent again and Matt's eyes flickered over to the male, surprised that he hadn't continued. Mello wasn't usually one for just mentioning something then letting it drop again. Mello let his gaze drop over to his redhead friend and they stared at each other for a moment. The blonde suddenly reached out and grabbed Matt's game from him, smirking as Matt pouted slightly. He honestly found the younger adorable. He held his game captive until Matt tried to move. He then tossed it to the side and moved to pin the smaller to the green grass. Matt blinked at how fast that had happened the looked up at Mello in confusion.

"Mel-" He had began to say but then the blonde did the most surprising thing. He kissed him.

He leaned down and pressed their lips together, and as far as both knew it was each other's first kiss. Mello was never one to be hesitant but he had been almost that as he pressed his lips to Matt's. As he had always thought, Matt's lips were soft and warm against his own, shyly kissing his back. He smiled slightly at how cute Matt could be and nibbled his bottom lip to ask for entrance. Matt granted this and carefully Mello began to explore his mouth.

The two didn't know how long they stayed in their secluded little spot behind the tree but when they finally decided it was time to go in the sun was beginning to set. Mello had taken Matt's hand and Matt had been so shocked he didn't even protest. He just let the blonde pull him back to their room. When they were laying in their separate beds that night, both listening to each other's breathing in the silent room, they had similar questions dancing in their heads.

Mello's mind had the question _"Why the hell did I do that?" _floating around while Matt was wondering _"Why did Mello kiss me, and why did I kiss back?" _

Almost at the same time, both boys turned around in their bed to look at each other. Their eyes locked and they stared at each other, not saying anything. And then Mello lifted his bed covers in an almost welcoming gesture and Matt slipped from his own bed and into Mello's. Curling up next to his blonde best friend, he nuzzled his face into Mello's neck, closing his eyes. Mello put his chin on top of the smaller's head and knew he was content – that every worry just drifted from his mind as he held the redhead.

"I want you to know that you're mine Matt – that means no one else is allowed to touch you the way I like to." Mello whispered. These words made the young Matt shiver but he nodded.

Yes he was Mello's, yes he'll kiss the older, yes he'll do whatever he wants and yes he'll let him touch him. Though he knew Mello had never really touched him in any manner that stuck out from any best friend's way, he could feel a sort of excitement at the idea that Mello would someday. But he knew he would always be content with being his.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

What's Wrong?

As Matt's eyes fluttered open the next day he had awoken to find that Mello still held him. Despite being awake himself, Mello kept his arms locked around Matt's waist and rested his head on top of the soft red hair. So Matt had been content to fall asleep in his best friend's arms again, this time assured that Mello wouldn't leave him.

If either boy had been uncomfortable with the step up in their relationship they definitely didn't show it. Mello had taken to keeping Matt closer to him than he had before, finding his blue eyes always drifting to wherever the redhead was to make sure he was there still. Sometimes one would slip their hand into the other's, if only for comfort, and they knew the other would hold on. The other children at Wammy's noticed quite quickly that something had changed between them, simply seeing them walking down the hall with their fingers laced together between them.

Just by the way they looked at each other, spoke to each other, acted around each other; it didn't take any genius to pick up on their feelings for the other. Soon it was Mello's fourteenth birthday and the blonde had been in a better mood throughout the whole day. Matt didn't seem to play his games as intensely as he paid more attention to the blonde, talking a bit more and giving a few shy smiles. By lunch Mello had taken to slipping his arm around Matt's waist whenever they went somewhere, keeping the redhead close as they walked. Matt certainly didn't mind.

All the children at Wammy's end their day with usually going to the main room, if they didn't pack it in early or go to the library to study. This was also had Matt and Mello tended to end their day. Mello had sat in his usual window seat, looking out the window as the sun began to lower in the sky. Matt had dragged over a few pillows and cushions over the past couple years and sat below him usually, sometimes having the blonde join him in his little nest. But that day as they relaxed in their usual spot, Mello pulled Matt up into his window seat, wrapping his arms around his torso and keeping him in his lap. The redhead was mildly surprised but smiled and leaned back into Mello's chest, looking out the window with him.

He rested his head on Mello's shoulder, relaxing with the gentle way Mello ran his fingers through his hair. If he described Mello as gentle and kind to anyone else they would have laughed or sent him straight to the infirmary. But with him, Mello was. Mello then tipped Matt's chin up so the younger was looking up at him then pressed their lips together. Matt's eyes widened before they closed, his cheeks going a delicious shade of pink. Mello didn't mind that he could feel everyone's eyes on them, just continuing to sweetly kiss the younger in his lap.

When Mello finally pulled back Matt was panting softly, staring up at Matt with shocked bright green eyes. The fourteen year old boy looked down with a soft smirk and gently stood, carefully maneuvering Matt onto his feet from his lap. He pulled Matt from the room, leaving a lot of shocked kids behind, and down the halls to their room.

"Mello why-" Matt had been about to ask when Mello squeezed his hand and pulled him into the room.

Matt wasn't completely shocked when Mello pushed him onto the bed then shut the door and locked it. He watched the blonde walk over to him then pounce onto him, the both of them laughing. It was true that with each other their worries simply drifted off, feeling simply satisfied with life if the other was close. Mello straddled Matt and stared down at him for awhile. He then leaned down to capture Matt's lips with his own in a sweet kiss. Soon though their kiss became a little more heated.

Though they were young and smart; being teenage boys they did have hormones. So despite their young age they gave the other a different pleasure – one that only a lover could give. But they didn't step into the waters of actual sex, they were just too young to really push that. Mello taught Matt a few things about his body and Matt was amazed that he could feel that much from just simple touches from the blonde. By midnight both boys were exhausted and cuddled into the blankets together.

"I love you Mello." Matt whispered. Mello was silent for a few moments, only making Matt's anxiety grow, but soon he just chuckled and gave Matt an actual true smile.

"I love you too." He murmured.

It had been about eleven months later when Matt began to notice something was a little off with Mello. Nothing serious, just his mood began to change. He complained more and more about Near, got pissed off at even the smallest of things and honestly got scary sometimes. Even for the redhead who was used to the older male's moods. He could tell Mello tried at times to calm down around him, to be gentler and more loving. But it seemed it got harder for the male day after day.

Matt knew Mello was nearly fifteen now, as he was already fourteen himself, and tried to keep his patience with the blonde. He could tell Mello was stressed and he hated to see him this way. He had to beg Mello to come to bed half the time, he had to relax and calm him numerous times during the day and of course none of that was ever easy. Getting the blonde to eat anything other than chocolate was hard as well and he could see that Mello lost a couple pounds during the last few months. He was scared that Mello would snap sometime – and he was praying he could prevent that from happening.

He found Mello in their room one day after test results had been pinned up – Mello was still second, Near still first. He had had to beg and plead Mello to come sleep the previous night, he had been up studying till nearly four in the morning. He opened the door cautiously to see his best friend sitting on Matt's bed by the window. In his fingers he had one of Matt's cigarettes, smoke slowly curling towards the open window from the burning tip. Matt had picked up the unhealthy habit just before his own fourteenth birthday, now sneaking in the cigarettes to Wammy's. He had about ten extra packs in his bedside drawer along with two lighter and a spare pack of matches; he would say he had become quite the addict.

Mello never liked it – complained about it quite a bit to make it that obvious as well. He said it made Matt taste different but usually it ended with them making out like the teenagers they were on one of their bed's or the floor. They still hadn't taken that step into official sex, though they had found many other ways to please each other.

Matt stepped into the room more and closed the door with a soft click behind himself. Mello lazily turned his head to look at Matt. He then brought the cigarette to his lips and took a drag. He let out the smoke in a perfect swirl and tapped the ashes off the end out the window. Matt almost smirked- Mello as usual was perfect at anything he wanted to do, smoking included apparently.

"Mello…?" He said softly.

The blonde looked back to him and tossed the last bit of the cigarette out the window. He then sighed and slipped off Matt's bed, walking over to him. He wrapped his arms around Matt's slim torso and hugged him. Matt accepted the embrace easily but was still worried about his friend.

"I'm fine Matt. Don't worry." Mello murmured into his ear. Matt closed his eyes and nodded, though he didn't think he could ever not worry.

"Okay Mello." He whispered. "I love you." Mello was quiet but there was a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, I know." He murmured. "I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Waking Up

Fifteen. Mello didn't think he could actually believe it. Fifteen years old. And he was still second.

The thought itself pissed him off. More than it had when he was ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. He was really pissed off. He knew he was showing it too, because he could see the worry in Matt's eyes. Every time the redhead looked at him it seemed as if it was with caution and Mello hated that he was making his redhead worry. Yes, his. He staked his claim on Matt they day they met and made it official on his fourteenth birthday.

So he tried. When Matt woke him up with a sweet whisper of happy birthday he smiled and wrapped his arms around the boy's slim waist, pulling him closer the way he knew Matt enjoyed being with him. He had kissed him, he had held him, even laughed with him. He was now sitting in his window seat, the usual one he sat in. Matt was below him in his cushion nest, playing some video game he got only a day or two ago. With Matt, Mello felt more at ease. Not always completely relaxed but things were simpler and easier to handle with the redhead around. He had never used to smile and now Matt made him, simply with that dorky smile of his own and bright green eyes he loved.

Their relationship was somewhat complicated. They were males, two of the top males at Wammy's, and Mello knew he tended to be a bit moody; but it didn't keep them from enjoying the carefree times when they could lay there together. Arms wrapped around each other, kissing, feeling the other's presence so close. Mello loved those times. Mello glanced down as he felt something set on his leg. He raised his eyebrows as he saw the small box, wrapped in silver paper with a small black bow on top. He chuckled and pulled a smirking Matt up into the window seat with him.

He opened it carefully to reveal the actual box. His interest was definitely perked and Matt watched as he lifted the lid. The blonde blinked in surprise when he saw what was inside. It was a thin practically translucent gold chain, looking so fragile and breakable. On it was a thin gold cross, looking just as breakable.

"I know you have your rosary – but it'll be hardly noticeable. More of something to show you I'll always be right there, no matter what Mello." Matt whispered quietly. Mello nodded, biting his lower lip.

Mello handed Matt the box and lifted his soft blonde hair, silent but his eyes glancing at Matt's showed him what he wanted. Matt hesitantly lifted it from the box then hooked it around Mello's neck. It fell shorter than the rosary, barely noticeable against the blonde's skin. He dropped his hair and reached up to touch it with his fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment then pulled Matt closer. The redhead immediately dropped the box to move properly, eyes closing as Mello pressed their lips together. Mello's fingers were clutching at Matt's shirt, keeping him where he was. Matt's own fingers were buried in Mello's blonde hair, kissing him back with the same intensity.

Soon they stood up and Mello pulled Matt from the room, both of them beginning to run down the halls holding hands tightly. They pushed out into the fresh air and ran over to the tree they sat under whenever they wanted to. It was dark out now, which meant they shouldn't' be outside, but every adult in the orphanage never bothered to mess with the two anymore – especially as Mello got older. It was the tree Mello had first kissed Matt under.

Mello pushed Matt onto the grassy ground, letting the younger pull him down with him. He quickly moved to pull Matt into another kiss and soon they were grabbing at each other. But unlike most times Mello didn't plan on stopping it. The blonde began to touch the redhead more sensually and had Matt moaning softly. He loved the way Matt moaned. The redhead could feel how gentle Mello was being with him and knew quickly that they weren't stopping this time. Mello pulled back enough to look into Matt's eyes.

"You know I always loved your eyes." Mello whispered. Matt's cheeks, already flushed, went a little darker but he smiled up at him.

From there the boys just enjoyed feeling the other so close. Skin against skin, sticky with sweat, the cold grass beneath them. The soft night breezes, clear starry night sky and full bright moon. Matt's face crumpled into pain when Mello finally entered him, after prep and a lot of foreplay on both of their parts. They were simply taking pleasure in their night together. Matt was hoping there would be many more. Soon Mello made any pain go away – hitting that special spot.

"Mello…" Matt whimpered the blonde's name over and over again, begged for more, pleaded for him to go faster.

Mello treasured every sound the redhead made beneath him, pleasured him in as many ways as he could. Soon the younger came and Mello couldn't hold for much longer after. Collapsing onto the soft grass beside each other, Mello held Matt close and stared up at the sky.

It was hours later before the boys went back in, nearly four in the morning when they crawled into Mello's bed. Curling up against the older chest, Matt was content to fall asleep to the sound of Mello's steady and even heartbeat. Mello was awake though, staring down at Matt with sad blue eyes. He loved Matt. He loved him so much. He loved to see the redhead smile, he loved to hear his laugh, and he loved to feel his body curled up to his just like he was now. Blue eyes glanced at the clock and then closed as a quiet sigh escaped the blonde's lips.

"Mmmm…" Matt hummed as he opened his green eyes.

He could feel that his body was stiff and he was still tired, but he felt amazing. He smiled but it faded as he noticed Mello wasn't in bed. He glanced at the clock to see that it was only eight in the morning. A loud crack of lightning made him jump and he looked out the window to see the pouring rain. He sat up and looked around the room, confused. Wait didn't Mello always keep his stuff…but where was it? He blinked and slipped from the bed. The room was dark from lack or lights being on and sunlight in the sky so he had to rub his eyes for a moment before finally being able to see properly.

He spotted something on the desk that still had the usual studying stuff on it that Matt and Mello shared and he almost sighed in relief. He walked over to pick up the piece of paper and frowned, it was in Mello's neat cursives.

_Matt, _

_Look I can't stay. I want to be with you but I can't right now. I don't think I ever can. Matt I don't want you to remember me, but I don't want you to forget how much I love you. Or how much you loved me. I just need you to understand that you are the best thing in this damned world Matt – and I never want you to forget __**that.**__ Last night was incredible, something I hope is ours forever. I don't need you to forgive me, because I'll never see you again. So you don't have to try not to hate me because I betrayed your trust a thousand times over. I'm not one for words Matt – but the three I know you enjoy hearing I'll say one last time. _

_I love you. _

_ Mello_

Matt's breathing came out in small gasps, his heart was beating hard in his chest. His hands shook with the paper and he clutched it tight. The O at the end of Mello's name smudged slightly and hope washed through him. It wasn't long ago that Mello wrote this – not long enough for the ink of the pen to fully dry. He threw the note onto the desk and ran, clad in only a pair of jeans that he had pulled on to come inside last night. He ran as hard as he could, passing surprised people. Matt was never one to go anywhere that fast – he rarely participated in gym even. But there he was running, faster than most had seen someone run before. His red hair messily flew around him as tears spilled down his cheeks, green eyes wide.

Some moved after him, slowly as they were interested into what had the male running the way he was. His breath was coming in short gasps as he burst through the doors, attracting more attention. Roger had been standing in a room near them and looked out, seeing them wide open. He frowned and followed as well.

The harsh rain was heavy and hit Matt almost painfully. It made his exposed chest sting and he cried harder.

"Mello!" He screamed, running towards the gates. The mud was slippery beneath his bare feet but eh didn't care as he continued to run with as much power as he could.

He made it nearly to the gates when he slipped and fell onto his chest, face coated in mud. Without his goggles this mud got into his eyes and he rubbed at them desperately. Water poured down on him, soaking him to the bone ad making his hair stick to his neck. His jeans were muddy and soaked, clinging to his legs, but he was screaming Mello's name at the top of his lungs. He tried to get up but found he couldn't, screaming in pain. Physical pain because he had probably sprained his ankle and emotional because he could feel his heart breaking.

It felt like he was finally waking up from a dream that he knew had been too good to be true.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Without Him

Despite being carried inside by two men, coated and dripping in mud and rain, Matt continued to scream, fingers curled into fists. It was the loudest he had ever been before. The kids at the Wammy house were crowded around the door then followed them to the infirmary where they took Matt. All of them were interested, shocked and whispering to each other. The albino named Near even had to come, though he didn't seem nearly as interested as the others.

Matt was fighting against everyone, screaming and trying to get back outside. He looked like a mess. Roger followed the two men and the nurse into the infirmary then shut eh door, locking it to close Matt off from such exposure. Roger watched with a stern expression as the men laid Matt on the table then held him down with a lot of force. As wild as Matt was acting he wasn't stronger than them, hell he wasn't nearly as strong as Mello, so he could only thrash and kick against them. The nurse came over and used a towel to wipe all the mud from Matt's body, from his face, exposing the pale skin.

There was a dark mark that was obviously a hickey on his collar bone but they didn't notice at the moment as they stripped Matt of his soaked jeans and boxers. Matt was sobbing now, feeling so vulnerable and exposed to their eyes. They were definitely concerned but they also seemed interested, like he was an experiment that suddenly actually did something for once. He was still screaming the blonde's name, begging for him to come back, and all the children outside the infirmary could hear him. It continued for about ten minutes longer until Roger finally demanded that the nurse give him the shot and he passed out.

That was the last time Matt actually made any noise. It was as if all that screaming had pulled his voice from him, took away his ability to make any sort of sound. None of the children saw him after they watched different men carry him to his room, only to have them reappear and close the door behind them. Some waited around but a lot of them were hungry enough to go get breakfast and continue on with their day. The redhead woke up five hours after being drugged, took one look at the empty bed next to his and began to sob again. He locked his door and stayed there for days.

It was on the second that Roger came up; giving Matt food and trying to get him talk. He tried to persuade him to come down and try going to class but the redhead merely turned away and promptly fell asleep, not even bothering to finish the food. Roger had left after a moment, closing the door as he heard Matt's muffled sobs. If one of the kids passed by the redhead's door they would probably hear the constant sobbing, sometimes screams, but whenever he dragged himself out of the room to go to the bathroom or, rarely, shower, he never made a sound. Behind his goggles his puffy eyes always looked dead and the way he moved made it seem that way too.

No one noticed but about four days after Mello disappeared Matt began to sneak out his window at night. Despite being on the second floor he had done it a million times before with Mello. He always sat under his and Mello's tree, laying back on the cold grass and staring up at the sky. Sometimes it was cloudy sometimes it was clear and he could see the millions of stars like he had on Mello's birthday.

During the days when Matt was awake he smoked. He smoked or cried or smoked while crying. He never did anything more and soon over two months had passed by. It was obvious the male had lost weight, even to him as his shirts always hung off of him differently now. By the fifth month of him barely coming out of his room roger had come up to say enough was enough. He demanded Matt come out of his room more often or he would be removed from the orphanage. He didn't demand that Matt go to classes, because he knew Matt still had his smarts, but he needed to have the boy come out.

So Matt did, though he only went one place. Sitting under the tree in the shade or in the cool of the night, he always thought about Mello. Finally, after three months more, it was his fifteenth birthday. He snuck out that night to the tree and stripped off his shirt, laying back to feel the cool damp grass against his skin. He closed his eyes and remembered Mello's fifteenth birthday, trying to make the memories real enough to feel it again. He sobbed and clutched at the grass, body trembling terribly.

"I love you Mello." He whispered shakily, closing his eyes as tears spilled down his cheeks.

And he tried to imagine Mello whispering he loved him in return.


	6. Chapter 6  Final Chapter

**Chapter Six**

Lost In My World…Without You

No one had any hope of Matt adjusting to the way his life had abruptly changed. Hell neither did Matt. After his fifteenth birthday he began to really cut himself off from everyone around him. He didn't acknowledge anyone around him, walking around numbly. Though he did still prefer to stay in his room, he was forced to come out unless he wanted to be removed. He had to write a test every month to track his smarts and he still fell in third, some other kid passing him.

Soon his hair was past his eyes which rarely weren't puffy or red and he had lost a total of thirteen pounds. His already pale skin was paler than it had ever been and he was probably going to kill himself with the amount of smoking he had done. But he didn't care. He wanted Mello back, he would do anything to have the blonde hold him again. He wanted to feel those arms around him, he wanted to feel the warm lips pressing against his, he wanted to actually hear Mello telling him he loved him.

And he would have killed himself if it weren't for the sliver of hope that someday Mello would come back.

Seventeen years. About 6209 days of life. And over a million tears spilled. Matt sat under the tree, which after over two years had grown to be even bigger than he thought possible for its kind. It provided a large circle of shade and he sat under it, leaning against its thick trunk.

The seventeen year old boy had changed physically over the past two and a half years. His red hair, which he had eventually cut himself, fell just over his eyes. Which, his eyes, had begun to get less puffy, mostly just looking distant. He had grown taller and eventually, as he began to eat again, he had gotten back to a healthy weight. His goggles he still wore as well – mostly to hide his eyes from the world around him. Mello said he had loved his eyes, so he wasn't going to share them with anyone else. He still wore his usual red and white striped shirt with faded jeans, and altogether you could say he looked better than he had those dreaded months after Mello had left.

Emotionally he guessed he had changed too, but definitely less. His heart was still in pieces, he still cried, he still begged and prayed for Mello to come back – but he was considerably better. He still said his "I love you Mello" every night and wished the blonde good morning every time he woke, so his longing for Mello never changed. He had nightmares of finding Mello dead one day, but he had dreams of Mello coming back and loving him like he had the last night the redhead saw him. He always remembered that night. He refused to look at any other person the way he had at Mello, though new people did come and some tried to get close to him. He didn't allow it. Roger didn't bother trying to put another male in Matt's room, knowing just how well that would work out. Besides, everyone still heard the muffled sobs at night anyways.

But in people's eyes Matt was 'better'. Better enough to attend class, though he did skip sometimes. Better enough to test, better enough to be assigned homework. Though everyone kept their appropriate distance from the male, everyone could easily tell Matt was in some state of depression. But it was almost like he…accepted the idea. He loved Mello, he was sure Mello loved him, but Mello was gone. He was depressed, he cried, he wished, he dreamed. And he was perfectly aware o this all – and he didn't care. He didn't mind feeling that pain, because he loved Mello. It was apparent to everyone that he loved Mello. And he would never stop.

He had memorized the blonde's letter, he cherished it, but despite its demands he didn't bother listening to them. He never showed anybody, he kept it to himself. It was his and Mello's secret – just the same as how close they actually were. No one would ever know. It seemed Matt was lost in his world, lost in his dreams, just…lost. To the point where he would whisper to Mello. He would talk to the blonde, tell him everything. How life at Wammy's was, how he missed him, he told Mello about every dream he had even if they were bad and he always told Mello he loved him. And he prayed Mello could hear him.

Matt had long since switched beds – he now slept in Mello's old bed. He cuddled into the blankets the way he would in Mello's arms and surrounded himself with pillows to feel less alone. He would stare out the window until finally his eyes closed. That night though his emerald eyes wouldn't close the way they should have. He stared at the bright moon, spilling silvery light into the room, and remembered his times with Mello. He could remember their first kiss, those questions he'd had that had so quickly been answered by Mello's embrace, the way Mello had told him that Matt was his and his only to touch; he remembered the days that Mello got mad, he remembered the times he made the blonde laugh, he remembered those smiles that Mello saved solely for him…

His shoulders shook with silent sobs and tears welled up in his eyes, slowly rolling down his cheeks. He forced his eyes to close and pictured Mello. His memory was sharp for sure; he could remember the way Mello smelled to him, the way he felt with his arms around him. As he cried he drifted into a state that wasn't sleeping but simply dreaming. He was fully awake, but he didn't want to be so he was letting himself live in his dreams instead. In his dreams Mello was holding him beneath the night sky.

"Oh Matt." An amused voice said behind him.

His breathing sped and his green eyes widened, no…he was imagining it again. He felt soft lips press a kiss to the back of his neck and he almost screamed but a leather clad hand covered his mouth. He was silent then struggling to turn around. The male let him and soon they were staring at each other. Crystal blue eyes stared down into brilliant green ones and the same leather clad fingers caressed his cheek.

"Mello…" He breathed, lips beginning to tremble.

"No tears right now Matt, let's get outside first." Mello whispered.

His mind was spinning. How could this blonde suddenly appear? Mello had been gone for almost three years now. It was…impossible. But he watched Mello walk over to the window and open it with ease, on his knees on Matt's old bed.

"I see you took to my bed." He said with a smirk before disappearing out the window.

Matt, wearing only jeans, scrambled from the bed and out the window, dropping with that same ease just a bit shaky. He could see Mello walking in the dark and followed him until they reached the tree. Mello then turned to look at Matt. They both stood there looking at each other. What Matt saw was a taller, slim, blonde male that looked exactly like Mello. Blonde hair, feminine curves, rosary and bright blue eyes. Different from when they were younger, Mello had now taken to weather tight black leather. Leather pants that laced, a leather vest, black boots and leather gloves.

The blonde watched Matt stand there and tremble and stepped forward only seconds before the redhead moved closer. He fell into Mello's arms, which were already ready for him, and Mello let them drop to the long grass. Matt was sobbing into his shoulder, shaking almost violently in his arms. He was desperately touching Mello's face and hair, and Mello let him. An hour or so later Matt's sobs had finally quieted and they were left just laying there.

"Why are you back?" Matt asked. Mello sighed quietly, arms still wrapped around Matt's waist as the redhead rested his head on the older's chest.

"I needed to come get you Matt. I…I missed you." He admitted. Matt blinked and looked up. 

"Then why did you leave?" He asked in a trembling voice.

"Because I had to Matt, I would have snapped if I stayed. And Matt, I had to make sure nothing between us changed." He said. Matt almost glared.

"Nothing between us changed? I cried every day Mello – you're the first person I've talked to in over two years." He snapped. Mello's eyes softened and he brushed hair back from Matt's face.

"Calm down Matt." He whispered. Matt did just that and sighed heavily. "I didn't want to end up losing my temper with you. I didn't want to fight. Remember that time I hit you when you let me vent out some anger? I hated myself for that."

"I can take a hit Mello." He whispered. Mello chuckled.

"I know." He said. They were silent again.

"I missed you too Mello. A lot." Matt admitted softly. Mello smiled up at the stars.

"Yeah, I'm glad." He said and chuckled.

"Are you leaving again?" Matt asked nervously. Mello took in a deep breath and nodded. Matt made a sad noise and looked like he would cry again.

"But you're coming with me Matt." Mello clarified. Matt blinked, green eyes confused. 

"You want me…to come…with you?" He asked. Mello nodded.

"You can't live at Wammy's forever Matt. And you're obviously not happy here. So come with me, I'll show you what it's like to really live."

Matt was silent now and Mello watched him seriously. He looked up to meet that gaze and bit his lower lip anxiously. He would definitely leave with Mello, but if the blonde abandoned him again where would he go after that? He slowly nodded because he realized, he actually didn't care. Mello smiled down at him and tipped his chin up to press their lips together. Matt's lips trembled against Mello's but he kissed back.

"I love you Matt." Mello whispered when he pulled back, resting his forehead against the redhead's.

"I love you too." Matt breathed.

Matt knew that it might at first be a bit tough, but he realized that despite having Mello leave him he would always trust the male. He would trust him with his life and definitely trusted him with his heart.

"So it's just you and me?" Matt asked softly as they stared at the rising sun. Mello chuckled and kissed Matt's forehead.

"Us." He whispered.


End file.
